Love Means Never Having to Say You're Sorry, part II
By Scott Cunning
I was out for a walk the other day, mulling over my recent post on apologies. The whole, "Love means never having to say you're sorry," cliche was dancing around in my brain. Many people hold to it--though this isn't the reason we're often bad at apologizing, per se. The more I thought about it, the more I came to appreciate the central paradox of being in love.
When you're in love--and here I mean you love someone, they love you back, and the two of you are engaged in an ongoing relationship built around that fact--you should always be able to count on that love, but you have a responsibility to never take it for granted.
You should assume, for instance, that if some horrible accident befalls you and you should no longer be able to make love, that your partner would sacrifice and accept this turn of events, stay faithful and continue to love you. In the meantime, however, the fact that you can count on this doesn't mean you can let your guard down; you are still responsible for giving him or her the best performance and seeing that needs are met.
You should always be able to count on your partner to forgive you; however, you can't take that fact for granted. That you could be forgiven for anything isn't a license to do anything and everything you can think of; in fact, this privilege comes with a responsibility--a responsibility to avoid offense, and to show genuine penitence when you do screw up. Love means never having to fear unforgiveness; it does not absolve us of the responsibility to apologize and make amends.
At the heart of a healthy relationship is an absence of fear and a taking of responsibility. We should count on our partners absolutely, but never abuse, take advantage of, or take for granted that bond. True love can weather almost any storm...unless you deliberately (or negligently) decide to test it.
Take nothing for granted; your relationship will reach a stage where you can assume everything as a given, but it will only get (or stay) there if you're willing to protect it and work on it as though it wasn't a given.
Sometimes, that means apologizing--not because you might not be forgiven, but because you're not perfect, and because your other's feelings matter whether they forgive you or not.
This questionable bit of philosophizing brought to you by relationships, love, and apologies.
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