Seperate Ways (Worlds Apart)
By the ExBF
Well, since I'm leaving for the shoot today, I had planned on just making a quick 'goodbye, wish me luck' post....and then I woke up this morning, went to my 8:00 meeting at a local coffee shop....and found myself standing in line behind Roxanne & the girl/boyfriend. Ya, I know; that's what I said, too...
I mean, even for me, those are crazy 1-in-a-million odds. I'm leaving town in like 8 hours, and it's as if fate itself woke up drunk this morning & said "Oh yeah, here...ya forgot THIS!". First time I had spoken to her in 3 months...and it was short & awkward as always, with the feel of the boy/girlfriend's eyes boring through the back of my skull the whole time. We talked about her mom, whom I heard had been ill recently, and then I told her that I was leaving today to go do the movie. She smiled politely & just said 'that's great; good luck'. Then I went to my table (where the guys I was meeting with had already been ogling her all morning before I got there), and she went to hers. She didn't say goodbye to me when she left a little while later.
Even as awkward & quiet as our interactions always are nowadays, she seemed even more reserved than usual this time, and I can't help but think it has something to do with the rift between her brother & I. Who knows.
And she looked just...gorgeous. At eight-o-fucking-clock in the morning, she could have stopped traffic a mile away. I'm honestly not sure I've ever seen her look so good, and that's saying something.
So, here I stand, having spent the past year trying to work past all this stuff, about to embark upon the biggest adventure of my life, proud of myself & excited for the first time ingod knows how long, looking forward to the future & enjoying the present....and then, out of the blue, there she is.
And I don't care.
Stop clapping; it's not what you think...I mean, I care. I still love her & I always will; but my life doesn't revolve around that fact anymore. For once, I'm out here doing something for me, and not her. I have a life to live, and she apparently has hers; I saw a glimpse of it this morning. And yes, I'm here writing about it now & thinking about it here now...but this is where I'm going to leave it, here on the page. it's not coming with me this time. I got stuff to do. And I don't even have any more time to waste writing about it.
See you guys in a month, and wish me luck. I gotta hit the road...
|
|
