| Tabloid Tuesday: August 13 - August 18, 2006 |
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Well! Will wonders never cease! This week, for the first time in eons, all 4 tabs have different main stories. Well, three of them do – we’re not quite sure what IN TOUCH is offering. But hey, 3 out of 4 is pretty good!
The ENQUIRER leads off with a whole new angle on the Tom Cruise baby story with TOM’S OUTRAGE OVER REPORTS… CRUISE BABY DISFIGURED… Get the point? GIANT HEADLINE ABOUT BABY DISFIGURED, when the story is about how mad Tom is about Internet reports that baby Suri is disfigured. That’s it – the rest is all filler.
The ENQUIRER also offers up MEL GIBSON SHOCKING TELL-ALL … 15 YEARS OF AFFAIRS … HIS COCAINE FRENZY. Plus SUZANNE PLESHETTE BATTLES LUNG CANCER and ONLY IN THE ENQUIRER .. ROBIN WILLIAMS IN REHAB … HIS DRUNKEN NIGHTS WRECK MARRIAGE…
So for the ENQUIRER this issue, we have affairs, drugs, drunks, rehab and baby non-disfigurement – better than most weeks!
Now, for some fun stuff! Don’t you love it when the tabs fight each other? Well, this week the STAR and US WEEKLY put on the gloves. The two tabs come out swinging over Brad and Angelina and Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaugh/Matthew McConaughey.
First, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. The STAR fires the first shot with BRAD & ANGELINA … SHE’S MOVED OUT!... & SHE TOOK THE KIDS WITH HER – BRAD FREAKS!
US WEEKLY says ANGIE HOME WITHOUT BRAD.
Let’s take a look at the stories. The STAR begins on page 42 with big headlines announcing ANGELINA MOVES OUT! AND TAKES THE KIDS WITH HER! AFTER BRANGELINA’S FIRST BIG FIGHT, BRAD LEARNS THE HARD WAY THAT ANGELINA IS NO PUSHOVER! HERE’S WHY SHE PACKED UP AND TOOK OFF, LEAVING BRAD FREAKED OUT.
Whew! If you can make it through the headline, the story goes on to say that she checked into the Hotel Bel-Air in Beverly Hills with the kids on July 29.
But US WEEKLY has a different take on the situation. On page 68, the story begins FAMILY SECRETS … BRAD BACK TO WORK … SHARING DIAPER DUTY, QUIET NIGHTS AND A BIRTHDAY AT HOME, PITT AND AGNELINA JOLIE LEARN TO BALANCE THREE KIDS AND TWO CAREERS AS FILMING FOR OCEAN’S THIRTEEN BEGINS.
Another rather lengthy headline…. But the story goes one to say that on August 1, Brad went to work on his new movie.
Hmmmm. Quite a discrepancy! But they both agree that Brad’s back at work and that there are 3 kids involved and Brad and Angelina are still married. Your choice which one to read…. But wait, there’s more controversy afoot!
US WEEKLY boldly announces JEN SAYS YES … VINCE PROPOSES! A NERVOUS VAUGH SURPRISES JEN WITH A RING BIGGER THAN BRAD’S AS THEY PLAN A SECRET BEACH WEDDING.
But STAR tell us IS MATT JEN’S NEW BOYFRIEND? HE’S CHASING HER!
So Jennifer Aniston is either engaged to Vince or is being pursued by Matt…. Another HUGE discrepancy. But wait a minute… a ‘secret beach wedding?’ We all know what that means. And why the question ‘Is Matt Jen’s New Boyfriend?’ What’s the answer? Well, take a quick peek inside Star…. Yup, you guessed it. According to the story, “”Matthew, newly single since his June breakup from Penelope Cruz – and living just over a mile down the beach from Jen’s Malibu house – called Aniston recently and asked her out, a friend tells STAR. And although Jen turned him down – gently – he isn’t giving up.”
Well, there you go. A secret beach wedding verses a non-date.
If you’re confused, then don’t look at IN TOUCH. It will push you over the edge. Alright, consider yourself warned. Here’s the main headline for this week talking about Ashlee and Jessica Simpson: IS JESSICA JEALOUS? AS ASHLEE CHANGES HER LOOK YET AGAIN, JESSICA TAKES A SHOCKING STEP AND RECLAIMS THE SPOTLIGHT…
Huh? No, reading it again won’t help. And neither will reading the story inside. Don’t believe us? Well, according to the story, here’s Jessica’s shocking move: “Her dress is so revealing.” Missed it? Well, look again. Didn’t’ change, huh?
Well, that’s the world of tabloids.
THE MEN.COM WORST OF THE WEEK: IN TOUCH
Probably the easiest selection ever for Tabloid Tuesday. They should put a warning label on the story.
THE MEN.COM BEST OF THE WEEK: ENQUIRER
How can you go wrong with drugs, affairs, rehab and baby non-disfigurement?
BEST QUOTE OF THE WEEK: The folks at US WEEKLY quote Will Ferrell as saying: “People love me in my underwear… It’s my public service. If I’m not in my underwear by page 50 of the script, I’ve very unhappy.” Trust Tabloid Tuesday, Will – NO ONE will be upset if they NEVER see you in your underwear again.
Copyright © 2006 Men.com
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